For the Love of God, Can Someone Start Kissing My Ass Soon, Please?

Seriously.  I’m usually the first to complain about ass kissers, but I feel like there are certain times in one’s life when one’s ass ought to be thoroughly kissed.  Kissed so much it becomes raw and chapped and suffers from a severe case of stubble burn.  And one of those times is when you’re potentially going to drop thousands of dollars in someone’s lap.  Let me explain:

I’ve been planning my wedding off and on for a few months now, and I’m baffled by the attitudes I’ve received from many venue representatives.  I’m not talking about little things like delays in getting back to me, although I’ve had my fair share of those experiences.  No, I’m talking about those people who seem completely put out that they even have to deal with my inquiry in the first place – Those people who, even by the tone of their e-mails, are rolling their eyes and heaving exasperated sighs over how I dared ask such completely outlandish questions like, oh I don’t know, the rental cost?  Whether I can have a tour?  Whether they have availability on a few select dates?

Here’s a perfect example.  A few weeks back I attempted to contact a local venue in a large city park.  After waiting a couple of weeks with no response, I sent a second e-mail and attached the first.  Three days later, I finally heard back with an invitation to visit the site during business hours (11-5).  The response was sent after hours, around 6:00 pm.

The following day (yesterday), I sent a reply at 7:00 pm asking whether it would be possible to visit the site today around lunch.  Now, I was well aware that I was e-mailing after hours and that there was a very good chance my message would not be viewed until this morning, but I sent it on the off-chance that the rep checked her e-mail outside of work, and I based this possibility on the fact that her reply to me was sent after hours.

Today, I received this response around 1:30 pm:

Sorry, I could not get back to you earlier.  We are here from 11 am to 5 pm today.  I would have phoned you if I had a number.

That’s it.  No “hello,” no signature line, no nothing.  Just a snarky last line pushing the blame on me for not having the foresight to give her my number.  For starters, I tend not to willy-nilly hand out my number to any sort of wedding industry rep because those people are often relentless if they sense the slightest bit of actual interest.  But I shouldn’t have been worried here since clearly this woman isn’t at all concerned with offending me – You know, the person who is inquiring about spending THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS to rent her site for a FEW HOURS.

Nevertheless, I responded somewhat politely:

It’s perfectly okay – Things got pretty busy for me anyway.  Are you available this coming Tuesday around 4:15?

My number is XXX-XXX-XXXX if you need to reach me by phone.

And she replied:


OMG.  Why are you YELLING at me?!?!?

So, partially in an effort to grate on her nerves and partially because I honestly had no idea where I was going and I hate driving around like an idiot and ending up parked in the wrong place, I asked:

Great – I know where the mansion is just by driving past – Is parking right there as well?

And she said:

Yes, you can park in our parking lot.

I can just hear the “OBVIOUSLY, dumbass” left untyped at the end of that sentence, can’t you? 

SIGH.  Maybe I’ll just pitch a tent in my driveway and invite people over for hot dogs and beer.

2 thoughts on “For the Love of God, Can Someone Start Kissing My Ass Soon, Please?

  1. You should probably not shower until then and walk in drunk. Also, at some point pee on a potted plant.

    That’ll learn THAT BITCH for yelling!

    Good luck!


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