I think I’m under too much stress.
I believe this theory is amply supported by a brief summary of my dreams for the past few nights:
1) In my dream I was coughing very hard, and I gagged and hacked up phlegm. I ran to the toilet to spit it out. Halfway through spitting up in the toilet, I woke up and realized I was spitting up all over myself.
2) I was in some kind of wild animal park/zoo, but it was a little different from most of the “interact with the animals” ones because you actually walked through this one….in the wild. Even so, there were certain places you knew better than to go, and one was near these caves at the top of these big hills. I looked up at the caves and spotted this obvious dumbass in safari gear holding hands with a chimp (who also was wearing a safari vest and a hat, and doing a much better job of it than the human). The guy had a stick and was poking around some bushes by the mouth of one of the caves. I said to whoever I was with, “That guy better be careful up there or he’s going to get himself killed.” Then the idiot started poking the stick into the cave. I had binoculars and could see what he couldn’t – two male lions just inside, their eyes glinting as they caught sight of their evening meal. As the guy turned, the lions stepped into the light….And they were just about to rip the chimp apart (appetizer before entree, I guess) when I woke up.
3) I lived in a big post-modern cabin in the woods with a herd of cats. Man-eating bears got in my cabin, all the electricity went out, and I had to escape (with all the cats). That, of course, meant I ended up in the woods….which were populated with starving mountain lions. Naturally.
I think it’s time for a bubble bath and a shot of whiskey. Seriously.